Yo

Okay i’m back, but not entirely,this isn’t going to be a regular post,what’s a regular post on this blog? Who the fuck knows. All i’m saying is that i’ve got something different prepared for this post,so it won’t be a ramble post of sorts. One of those ramble update posts is coming in the future,about what’s been happening with me,but this idea kinda popped into my head so i’m gonna jump on it and hey maybe it’ll be entertaining or whatever,hopefully you’ll like it 😉

Okay so here’s the deal, it was my birthday the other day and i got really really really really really really really really drunk,like really drunk. So drunk that i started having mini blackouts. So i’m never getting that drunk again,well for the foreseeable future anyway. Sooooo why’s this important, i’m glad you asked. What i ended up doing while i was drunk was to send voice note after voice note to a certain someone. I kinda remember saying most of it and some not so much, i felt really embarrassed with the stuff i don’t remember saying. SO what i’ve decided to do is to transcribe my voice notes into this post,i’ll change a few details here and there, especially the names,so no names mentioned are the real names of anyone mentioned, so yeah here goes.

Quick note-I’ll give a bit of context after each voice note,all 12 of them,yes you read that right, 12 drunk voice notes.

God i’m such a moron……as you’re about to read.

No.1 @ 4:04 AM

Okay,okay later in day message about how drunk i am. I am severely drunk, drunker than i ever been in my fucking life cause i fucking don’t have many occasions to get drunk cause i don’t like getting drunk but fuck it, it’s my birthday and i got so fucking drunk that i threw up a little i think i’m gonna get yelled at when i wake up in the morning so hmmm maybe that’ll happen i don’t know, so fuck it i really don’t know what to say this is probably hell to listen to and you probably can’t decipher anything i’m saying but fuck it this is what’s happening,this is whats happening when it’s 4 in the morning and i’ve drunken fucking gin,brandy,Guinness, fucking fairy gin all these fucking drinks and all these gins,i think i’ve thrown up a little, maybe not, pretty sure if i have i’ve cleaned it up but fuck it i don’t know it’s happened anyway so what can i do about it, i think i’ve cleaned it up so i’m okay so maybe if i have i’ve done the best i can so maybe what the fuck can i do about it i don’t know meh (inaudible giggling) but anyway with all that going on the other thing that’s happened, the only thing i can rely on is that this conversation will be here and that i can talk to you anytime i want because i know you’re so fucking sound and you’re so fucking great that i can talk to you about anything and that you’ll be so fucking sound and so fucking great that we can talk about anything and i, SOooo so so so fucking drunk, i’m so fucking drunk i’m so sorry i’m so fucking sorry i’m so so sorry, i think i’ve already said this but i’ve had like Guinness and tw- loads of types of gin,gins but without tonic or anything,just straight GIN,glasses and glasses of just straight gin and all these different types of gin and straight brandy and Guinness and i think i’ve thrown up a little i think i might already said that but fuck it’s been a fucking wild one and i’ve been dancing in my kitchen with my sister whose this fucking like tictok person fucking i don’t know it’s like a weird fucking thing and this might be very (inaudible)…this might be very(inaudible) this might be very (inaudible) this might be very weird to listen to but fuck i don’t know, i won’t say i’m not really like this but this is like special occasion me this is like “I’m going to get drunk but i’m gonna get sooo fucking drunk that i throw up drunk,” and i think i threw up a little but i clean it up it’s like weird cause i threw up, i think i threw up but i remember cleaning it all up but i don’t actually remember throwing up its super fucking weird and i know i’m saying this now and i know i’m gonna listen in the morning and go “Oh my god you’re so fucking stupid for saying all this.” but really fuck i might as well say it now because like i really don’t fucking know but this might bring a smile to your face and that’s all that really fucking matters because it don’t really know what to say right now because i’m so fucking langers. It’s so dark in my bedroom, i can’t even see my fucking bed, i’m just wandering around i can’t fucking see anything, the only thing i can see is my phone i have to wander around til i fall onto my bed cause i have no idea whats happening,the only thing i know whats happening is that i’m talking to you and you’re gonna hear this in the morning and that’s about it. but fuuck AHHHHHHH, fuck. Okay word of advice do not drink fairy gin because it will fuuuck you uuuup, it is oh my god its horrible shit,old like 30 year old fairy gin,this ruined me,my throat was like a sewage fucking hose like (makes throwing up noises repeatedly). Hehe i can just imagine you listening to this in the morning and going “Fuck sake Seán what the fuck are you talking about just shut the fuck up,” but hey im not gonna fucking lie or anything,like i don’t know why would you want to be “something more” with me,cause i’m just fucking all over the place,and i really don’t know what to say but everything that i’ve said today is 100% what i want from you and me, i just want it to progress and when we both feel right,to move into something more and if that something more is like a relationship or fucking whatever then i’m super fucking down with that,super fucking down with that,i really don’t give a fuck what we are, i just wanna be something, just ssssomething. I’m soooo fucking drunk,soooo drunk,i cant even see the other side of the room and the room isn’t even that big its like 20 x 12 feet,its not like that big but i cant even see the end of it because its so dark and my eyes are so fucked and i know i’m just rattling on and i’m probably not making any sense but it’ll probably make you laugh and that’s probably why i’m doing it in the first place i don’t know, i’m so drunk because its my 21st, i’m 21 fucking years old and i don’t even feel like it, i don’t even feel like it, i feel the same as i was yesterday when i was 20,and now i’m sitting down on my bed,AHHHHHH,and now i’m sitting up,i’m narrating my drunkenness, hehehhehe, fuck i shouldn’t have drunk this much,not this much,but this is where my trusty gum comes in because it takes away all the shit and leaves me with minty minty MINTY FRESH,oh fuck im soooo –

*Faceplam* Yeah,even when i was drunk i knew what i was saying was all over the place at least there was some sense left in my head,which is conforting in a weird kind of way. There’s not much i think needs context in this 1st message. Roll on the second…

No.2 – 4:15 AM

Okay,okay the last one cut out, what i was trying to say, i don’t know where the last one cut out, so i’m just gonna continue on with my thought process cause there’s no way i’m gonna remember what i was thinking 20 minutes ago,so what i was trying to say is that you’re so fucking….so fucking good, you know what, you’re so fucking good, it that you can be fucking anything,fucking anything and i’m SOOOO fucking drunk and i still think this, you’re so fucking goood, SOOOO goood,you could be anything you could be a psychiatrist or a veterinarian or anything but you’d be so fucking good at it cause y’know why because you’re a diamond,a fucking diamond. You’re so fucking 1 in a million, you’re so fucking good, and i say that with anything that i can, you’re so fucking good, i wouldn’t let anybody on this fucking earth say otherwise i wouldn’t let anybody say otherwise, i’d have to get everyone to agree that you are the fucking sun of the earth,the brightness in everyone’s life cause you’re so fucking amazing, absolutely amazing, and i hope everyone else on this fucking earth sees you as this amazing person, this fucking….i know i’m saying fuck a lot but its the main part of my vocabulary so fuck it,i hope everybody on this fucking earth sees you as this amazing sun, this beam of light,as i see you cause you fucking amazing,from the moment i fucking saw you,to right fucking now, you’ve been this fucking seed that’s been planted in my heart that has grown into this humongous flower that has conquered my fucking…….what my garden? …….my jungle? i don’t fucking know,i have no idea what i’m saying, but i don’t fucking care because i know whats in my heart and i know that you’re fucking amazing and i know i just wanna spend as much time as i can with you,like i just wanna go to Cork and spend as much time on the beach with you as you smoke fags and watch the waves come in cause that’s all i wanna fucking do, that’s all i wanna fucking do, as much as i can, that’s all. And i know i’m drunk but again drunk body, sober mind, i’m so fucking drunk and i’ve probably said this so many times but all these thoughts are what i’ve been thinking anyway,i just wanna see you,siting on some beach, smoking some fags,on some beach watching the tide and i just wanna watch you cause you’re so fucking good,you’re my star, my fucking star in the galaxy, fuck all the other stars,FUCK EM,some stars are brighter, some last longer but fuck em they have the amount of depth as a kiddie pool, the amount of fucking girls that don’t even have an inch on you cause you are fffffffffffffffucking amazing fffucking amazing, i’d kick every girl off the face of the earth as long as you stayed on it, cause that’s how fucking good you are, y’know that, i hope you know how good you are, ffffffffuck!!! i’m so drunk, i think i’ve already said this but i’ve had two cans of Guinness,beamish,fairy gin,regular gin,two full bottles of champagne, i’m so fucking langers, soo langers,and this might be completely inaudible because its in a limerick accent,i’m probably not making that much sense,but fuck it this is my time, i’m really drunk, i’m really sappy and as i said i’m 100% genuine….when i’m sappy and all i wanna say is that, you, you, Autumn whatever the fuck you’re middle name is Kelly are a bright light in my life, every time i see your name in my notifications my mind is like “oh yes happiness is in my life again” a smile comes across my face,everything is good in the world again cause i know you’re not sick of me yet,that you actually want to talk to me,cause fucking hell i couldn’t imagine a better person to talk to for every fucking day of the week and oh my god i’m sooo fucking drunk, i probably said this sooo many times already and its probably so annoying but…..

For real, how many fucking times did i say “amazing” in that one? 8 times is the answer there. I should really get a thesaurus cause fuck i need to vary my sappiness a little. “You’re fucking amazing” Yes retard you said that already,move on.

No.3 @ 4:22 AM

…..that’s what drunk people are they’re fucking annoying,so i’m not……i didn’t make this fucking stereotype i was born into it. Huh,as i said in one of my last fucking ones i hope you’re doing well Autumn, i hope you’re less drunk than me,i don’t know why i’m saying all this cause i’m probably wrecking my chances of a “something more” or whatever that is, or maybe i’m not, maybe i’m increasing the chances, i don’t fucking know, all i care about is showing me,the true me,when i’m fucking drunk i’m like this fucking frog,i don’t know if frog is the right word,a frog,hopping from lily pad to lily pad to another fucking lily pad of thoughts and there’s no correlation between any of them i’m just jumping, but all this is the self critical side of me,Fuck that side of me,Fuck it! Cause i’m sick and tired of that side of me and letting it rule me if i always listened to that side of me i wouldn’t have replied to you in the first place and imagine that! 3 months of my fucking life where this was one of the best things about these last 3 months has just been messaging you, of all sorts of fucking shit,about anything i don’t give a fuck what were talking about i really don’t, what i care about is that i’m talking to you, cause you’re so fucking good,i hope you know that, i probably said that i one of my last messages but you’re so fucking good,so fucking good,sso good,everyone on this earth that doesn’t appreciate you as i much do, is fucking dirt to me cause there’s no way i could appreciate any of their other opinions if they cant see you as the fucking star in the galaxy of my life then what the fuck do they have to offer me,if they cant see you as this fucking goddess, this Cleopatra, wait no that’s probably not the right words cause that sounds like a dominatrix type thing….. but this like queen, this like beautiful person,this beautiful woman that deserves everything she gets, i’m not saying i know everything, i’m not this amazing prodigy but i know enough to know..whats the word……discredits???…. no…..it’s what the Italian commentators use when describing the national team at the 2006 world cup,even though the Italian team won and the french team fucking bottled it and threw away their victory because Zinedine Zidane couldn’t keep it temper in charge because Materazzi said he’d like ride his sister and that sent Zinedine Zidane off and headbutted him in the chest which means he got sent off which meant that France were down to 10 men in the 2006 world cup final which meant that Italy won, there’s even statues of Zinedine Zidane headbutting Materazzi in the chest,even tough Materazzi did his fucking job and made sure Zinedine Zidane was such a fucking……he was so emotional that he would respond to someone mentioning his sister in a sexual way,that it would provoke him to make a offence that’d make him get sent off, so fucking hell yeah to Materazzi,cause he fucking knew,Zinedine Zidane was such a fucking hot head that he’d get himself sent off if his sister was mentioned,so fuck yeah Materazzi, he might be a complete cunt but you know how to play th-

Lol, i have no idea where that tangent came from,like not in the slightest but i’m on it and this is only the first message about this. I again repeat myself so fucking much it’s not even funny. This would be a couple of paragraphs if i never retraced my steps.

No.5 @ 4:28

…..he knew that Zinedine Zidane would overreact,because that was his nature and what Materazzi decided to do was that he’d go after his FAMILY,he’d go after his family to get him to REACT,isn’t that fucking crazy! He’d analyzed him so much that he knew he could get him agitated if he went after his family cause he wouldn’t be thick skinned enough if someone mentioned his sister in a sexual way, so what Materazzi did was when Zinedine Zidane came over to him he started marking him by pulling and dragging on his shirt to make sure nobody could pass to him, and Zinedine Zidane said “oh you obliviously like my shirt so much,why don’t you fucking have it,” and Materazzi, this complete cunt but this complete mastermind said “No i don’t want your shirt id rather have your sister,” and Zinedine Zidane,you can see it in the video!,you can see it in the video, he steps away, decides hes gonna hurt this cunt,steps away and then comes back and headbutts the cunt in the chest.So then Materazzi then falls to the ground like he’s some house of cards,he dissolves into the fucking grass!,he’s so hurt but he’s done what he’s meant to do, he’s dragged this lion out of his den and this lion is then shot into the ground, that he’s been sent off in this world cup final, and MATERAZZI FUCKING SCORES THE EQUALIZER IN THE FUCKING GAME,that sends it to extra time,Materazzi this complete CUNT!,this complete cunt of a player,i think he player for like Inter Milan, and A.C Milan fans fucking hated this guy cause he was a complete cunt, this dirty and unsportsmanlike complete cunt, who’d play every game and he’d get on the fans nerves and he was so good at what he did that he was picked for his national team and he did the same dirty shit to other national teams and it fucking worked! They won a World Cup! A World Cup of all things! Italy. 2006. The first time they won it since like, i’m gonna say the 60’s, such a fucking good time for Italian football. (*Burp) I’m sorry, i know you say don’t apologize but maybe this is a different type of apology, i’m sorry in case you say don’t be sorry,but i’m sorry because burping into a mic isn’t the best thing to do but i’m still sorry and i hope you can forgive me for that. But yeah Materazzi this absolute cunt of a human being, gets to this final………. and i don’t know if you’ve ever played this but it’s this thing were like there’s these like….. hexagons

Wow,just wow. These tangents man, i have no idea where this tangent came from,i read and listen to it back again and again and i still don’t have any idea where this split second 180* thought process comes in, one second im on about how me being drunk doesn’t discredit it my feelings and the next i’m on this whole rant about Zinedine Zidane. Like Christ i must’ve been dropped when i was a child. Moving on……

No.6 @ 4:30 AM

………..so you have to make sure you’re maneuvering you’re way around so you don’t fall, and i don’t know cause it’s such a fucking stupid game, it’s so dumb, it’s a children’s game but oh god does it feel so god winning the cunting thing,cause it’s so good.But y’know what it’s not as good as seeing you message me in the morning cause get it, cause i’m so sappy hah, i’m so fucking sappy, i love seeing you message me, i love it, it makes my day, it makes my fucking day, i really don’t know how to end this ,i really don’t know how to end this, i don’t want to say that i love you Autumn cause that’d be fucking weird but i fucking like you Autumn cause that’s the position were in, i fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff…..ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

Much shorter one,but that doesn’t mean it’s less moronic,in case you were clueless(god i hate that fucking film),in case you were clueless i transition from talking about the world cup “final” to the “final” stage of Fall Guys,this completely dumb but rewarding little game. I almost stepped on the land mine of saying that i loved this certain someone but again at least there’s still a few brain cells keeping the logic lights on in my hollow skull of mine. Next message……

No.7 @ 4:33 AM

fffffffff fucking like you _ cause you’re ffffffffffffffffffffffffff…. ffffffffffffffffucking amazing and i hope everyone on this fucking island, i hope everyone on this fucking planet, i hope everyone in this fucking galaxy, i hope everyone in this fucking universe knows how much of an amazing amazing amazing amazing amazing amazing amazing person you are, i’ve thrown up a little but i’ve cleaned it up, i’ve told you that, i’ve told you that on numerous occasions but fucking hell you’re amazing and i’m not bullshitting, i’m not bullshitting i swear to christ i’d tell you if i was bullshitting or not, you are sooo fucking beautiful,so fucking beautiful, i wouldn’t say that if i didn’t mean it in the slightest, you are fucking beautiful,in every sense of the word,you look up beautiful and you know what you’d find in the dictionary? Not a picture of you but the definition of the word beautiful,which you fucking are! You fucking are the definition of beautiful, and i fucking…i know i’m saying fuck alot,i know i’m saying fuck alot and as a catholic boy i know i’m going to hell, i’ve already told you this. But i hope everyone on this fucking planet sees you as this……..behemoth is not the word, i hope everyone sees you as the star you are,cause you deserve it,you deserve it, you fucking deserve it cause you’re so fucking good,so fucking good. You’re story is so fucking funny,so fucking funny, i can’t even replicate it cause its so fucking good, you just come up with these things and i go “Oh fuck i wish i’d thought of that” but no i cant cause you’ve fucking done it.

Lot of repetition repetition in this one but positive repetition. I will add that the “look up beautiful in the dictionary” part is an altered quote from ‘Kiss Kiss Bang Bang’, great film check it out,here’s the original…..

No.8 @ 4:36 AM

Okay i have no idea when the last part cut out, but i’m just gonna continue on,i don’t give a ffuck what anyone says on this planet, i’d defend you to the high hills, the high hills of Lisdoonavarna ( i begin to sing the chorus of Lisdoonvarna by Christy Moore), does Lisdonnavarna even have hills? I don’t know but i’d defend you to wherever the fuck there’s hills cause you deserve it cause you’re fucking amazing, i haven’t though this way about a girl in fucking forever, but you are this pinnacle,this fucking top tier pinnacle. God my head is all over the place there’s no way id be able to commentate a GAA match, i’ll leave that to the dry cunts, i hope you’re doing well, i’ve texted my thoughts on what we are,actually i haven’t told anybody what we have except my good friend Matthew, whose really fucking supportive, and you’d like Matthew, he’s like you in a lot of ways, he’s direct and doesn’t take any shit and he’ll tell you what he thinks whether you like it or not, and he’s so fucking good,such a good friend and that’s what i like about you as well, because i’m not this amazing person but if you see me and think “yeah i could spend some time with him,” i’ll give you the fucking moon,cause you fucking deserve it, deserve it. I’m so fuucking druunk.

Never never nevernevernevernevernevernevernevernever never ever never in all my days have i been more traumitized by my own voice as i was discovering that at half 4 in the morning i was singing lisdoonvarna, and i don’t even know the words i was just drunkenly singing it, scarred for life.

No.9 @ 4:38 AM

So drunk, it’s like what like 4 minutes to 5, i’ve probably spent like 45 minutes talking and in between all these messages there like 5 to 10 minutes where it wasn’t even picked up,did i tell you i threw up? I kinda threw up,i cleaned it up anyway, i cleaned it up cause that’s the person i am,clean up after your own mess.(*Sigh) This has been fun huh? So fucking fun, i hope you’re having a fucking good time Autumn. God i’m so fucking langers.

Not much to add here really *Sigh*

No.10 @ 4:38 AM

(Pressed a previous voice note) “He’d go after his family!.”

No.11 @ 4:43 AM

I pressed one of the voice messages accidentally and it’s just me going on about Zinedine Zidane and Materazzi, i sound so over the top but i might sound interesting, i don’t fucking know but all i know is that i’m going to bed now. This night has been so good because i know there’s potential for something between you and me and maybe its just you leading me on, maybe i don’t know but the thought that there’s something that could be established is so fucking good, it’s like a gold mine, a gold mine, so much shit that we’re left to discover, we could unearth this amazing thing between us, but that’s enough from me.I hope you’re having a good time, i hope the new millennium is treating you well cause it ain’t treating me well. I’ve thrown up,i think i’ve already said that. I’ve cleaned it up but i think i’ve already said that to………… Why the fuck would spurs buy that Southampton cunt? It doesn’t make any sense. But anyway,hope to talk to you in the morning. It’s been a good time but i need to go to sleep. Goodnight, God bless. (Some sort of alarm/ringing goes off on my phone) What the fuck is that,no idea? What is that noise? Fuck off,okay i’m going to stop while this noise is going off cause i have no idea what this is,fuck! i really like you , fuck i’m so drunk but again drunk body, sober mind, i mean everything i say. I hope you have fun listening to all this cause it’s probably a good laugh but i might be fucking traumatizing for me but fuck that cause i’m not gonna be ashamed for liking you and fuck anybody that’d make me feel ashamed for liking you, i don’t know who they are but fuck, you’re fucking amazing ,absolutely fucking amazing. I hope everyone you know by the end of their days knows that you, Autumn whatever the fuck you’re middle name Kelly are fucking fantastic. Goodnight, God bless have a good fucking day, and don’t kill anybody.

Good on drunk me,fuck yeah, i might be a bit embarrassed for a few things i said, but i’m not going to feel bad or ashamed for it.

No.12 @ 4:44 AM

I’m just gonna sign off again, fuck i love this, i love going back and forth with you, even when making fun of each other or massively shit talking each other, i just love going back and forth cause you’re so good.Fuck everyone else,fuck Jack Lynch and the Fianna Fail Government, i couldn’t give a fuck about those cunts,what i care most about is you and that’s the simple fucking truth.

Ended like a true poet lol

So yeah,12 messages with god knows how many “fucks” and “amazing’s” and good’s” and “beautiful’s.” I’m glad i have this experience, i’m semi-proud of what i said and stand by every word of it,to be honest i could of said a lot worse,but that might just be sober Seán talking, and in all seriousness fuck that guy. All my homies hate Sober Seán.

If you read this all, all i have to say is why? Don’t you have something better to do? That’s it, this is the end of the post.

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