Marbles

Good morning,afternoon,evening or night and welcome back to “Seán’s Bi-Weekly whinging corner,” All i got going is this blog and the two tumbleweeds i’m holding in my arms, which might lead you to think(you as in the zero amount of people reading this,so i’m really just talking to myself at this point) how come you’re typing this while holding tumbleweeds under each arm,oh the answer is simple, i’m simply taking a strategy out of the Drinking Typing Bird’s playbook and typing this whole thing with my nose. Sounds crazy right,well that’s because it is,i haven’t lost all my marbles yet,only a handful so far, so at now time i don’t think that me think so good.

Because semester’s done now, i’ve decided to bin daily round-up. I sort of lost track of that the last couple weeks so i guess it’s time to offcialy retire it. It will surly not be missed.

So what is there to discuss,i wouldn’t have made this post if i didn’t have a central point. The central point being,i have these spans of time that i like to refer to as the dark days. What these are,they’re spans of time,could be 10 minutes,an hour,half a day, whatever the length of it is,it’s a time where all my negativity,my doubts,past traumas,painful experiences, all of them hit me at once. I can handle a few each day, but every so often,something starts a chain reaction where i know the dark days are coming and i just have to wait it out.Put myself through hell so i can enjoy the light on the other side. The frequency of this i can estimate is about 2-3 times a year since 2014.

I’m saying all this because my last post was made in the middle of my most recent dark day. Some of the stuff i said was hyperbolic, for example i wouldn’t go to jail for what i think of but i still feel horrible for thinking them.

I feel the aim of where i was trying to going,in so far in hating myself can just be simplified to one fact about myself,(get ready for the most job interview answer,but it is true) i’m a destructive perfectionist. In so far that i strive and strive and will do anything and everything to make anything that i can do as best as it possibly can.

I spent 3 days designing this blog’s layout to be perfect to me,i spent weeks designing a website that i felt was as good as i can make it. But here’s the deal,i set these super duper fucking high levels and even if the end result falls an inch below it, i’m like “fuck it,useless pieces of shit” and the failure to reach that high mark turns the blame towards myself and i point the finger at my own faults. That website i spent weeks designing and writing for, i binned it,i tore it all down,deleted it and started from scratch. And by the end of my second website with dozens of pages of writing and finding pictures and editing and re-editing and trying to fit as much in, i stood back and looked at it and thought “this is garbage” but i had no time to start again so i submitted. I’m always getting blue balled by everything because i always need it to be that tiny bit better or go that tiny bit further than i can go and my limitations are frustrating because i know i can do better i just can’t find how. Like something’s been thrown into the gears in my mind and i just need to figure it out so it can start moving again like a Swiss/German watch (take your pick).

So yeah, my last blog post was a glimpse into the hellfire my mind can become once i’m in of my dark days. The last one before Friday was back in February. Two of my friends said and did the smallest of things, that if i brought it up to them they probably wouldn’t even remember, but they did and said what they did and said and what they did wasn’t even so bad but the chain reaction had been set off, i found the smallest most obscure room in UL i could find and i sobbed for about a half hour, i only stopped because i had to leave to start my radio show. I’m so thankful for James,Caleb and Mark, they rescued me for a dark day that day and they didn’t even know it.

I am truly sorry for letting the past few posts go off the rails,it’s been as dark as the background at times so i’m gonna change up the ending and hopefully you’ll feel better and won’t feel sad for me.

---

So i’m going to end this post with a get to know me Q&A, so here goes.

(All these questions were taken from a few websites)

Full Name – Seán Pierre Vincent Finnan

Date of birth/Star sign – August 11th 1999/Leo

Place of birth – St John’s Hospital,Limerick City,Ireland

Favorite Colour – Blue

Height – 5’10

Shoe Size – 10 1/2

Pets – A dog, a five year old “shollie”(Sheperd+border collie) named Marshall

Am i Named after anybody – Yes, i’m named Seán after Seán Lennon(John’s Son),Pierre comes from a family friend, and Vincent is my grandfather’s name on my fathers half

What would i change my name to – Frank

Have i ever met someone famous – Yes, Russel Crowe

Best Looking Celebrity – Shirley MacLaine (in ‘The Apartment’)

Can i whistle? – No

Can i Dance? – Yes

Am i a good dancer? – No

Last film i watched – The 1929 film ‘The Shelton Dance’

First Movie i cried to – ‘Up’

Favorite Song – I say a little prayer – Aretha Franklin

Favorite Film – Night is short,Walk on Girl

Favorite Book – The Catcher in the Rye

Favorite Alcoholic Drink – A cocktail called “Blackstar”

Favorite Pizza Topping – Peppers and Pineapple (Fight Me)

Worst Pizza Topping – Mushrooms(by far)

Did my parents go to college? No, they didn’t even finish secondary school

Colour of my bedroom carpet – Light brown-ish

Worst Song Lyric – Lil Yachty’s ” She blow that dick like a cello”

First Date age – As a joke 11, As a serious date 15

Love at first sight – I’ve been wrong twice but sure,why not

I promise not be sad next time as i was last time, i hope ye are all doing well and keeping a hold of your marbles better than i am.

Mind Yourself

Seán